This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize