summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
please come you make the beer taste better
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
