Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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