does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
