singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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