Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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