do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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