VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
