Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
