he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
