she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
