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Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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