College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
