I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
