It's official drugs can't kill me
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
