don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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