i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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