I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
