I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
