she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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