The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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