she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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