I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
