Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
