Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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