i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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