he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i believe in u and ur pee
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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