I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
