a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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