if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
