good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
