went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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