Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We're too hungover to prance.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
