Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
