One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
