remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
