seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
