she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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