i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
