i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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