i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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