I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
last night I used snow as a chaser
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
