It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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