seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
as a side note pls kill me
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize