I am puke
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
