I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
