So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
