Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
