I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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