and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
