need another drink. this is the easiest way
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
