where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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