it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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