In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my being single is dangerous.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
