I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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