Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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