these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
