I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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