And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
